I’m embracing that I haven’t felt inspired to write much over the last few years. I believe I’ve been feeling stuck and it’s because of everything that’s happening in the world and all of the information being thrown at us constantly. I’ve had to give myself time to heal and grow, which has been incredibly helpful. I started therapy last year, and it has really inspired me to continue the things that I enjoy—such as writing.

Writing has always helped me see beyond the moment that I’m writing about; it has also given me clarity about the things I’ve learned since that moment. I get this benefit even as I’ve felt less than enthused to write about certain parts of my story, and I’ve asked myself if people will even care to hear about my experiences. I’ve told my darker times and a lot of the lessons I have learned. Then I remembered that we can also share the good things, too. I care to hear about others’ successes and joy because it is also why someone is as bright as they are, so let’s continue this journey going back to June 2018.…

It was Pride season, with the Broadway Bares performance on the horizon, and I was bouncing around the city from Equinox, to recovery meetings, rehearsals and fundraisers. I would go back to the Equinox some nights just to get into the fitness studio and work on choreography to keep my creative channels open.

Also, the summer marked  my second season rehearsing for a show in Provincetown and I was booked to spend my summer there performing. Some days I would go workout and then rehearse for Ptown’s Male Call at a studio by Columbia University for four hours and then head down to 42nd Street to rehearse for Bares for another four and head to shower at the gym and head to work until 1 or 2 in the morning and do it over again--I was on a roll.

Broadway Bares 2018 weekend was magical beyond words. Starting that weekend off great I surpassed my fundraising goal to raise more than $13,500 putting me as one of the top fundraisers. To be able to help people by inspiring others to get involved gave me immense gratitude. As I write about it now I feel inspired to dive back in and do the work to raise more than I have ever raised before. I remember my heart and soul smiling being immersed in my community and my community giving me the opportunity to be a leader.

I danced my heart out that weekend while also preparing to leave for the summer. I had been through some traumatic things that spring, so moving forward I was ready to make some changes in my life. I packed up my apartment and was ready to move forward.

I was feeling renewed, refreshed, revitalized and ready to go. I was still refraining from sex, almost seven months at this point and I started seeing things from a much different lens. I felt powerful knowing I had control over my body and I had so many reasons that I was celibate, but at that time I had no idea why it was so important to me to be doing this for myself, but that will be the next entry. It was very real and I was grateful to make changes for me. I was empowered by my community and by the strength they were giving me. The support helped me feel like I was ending my own stigma within myself—but I’d find out later that I was only scratching the surface.